Sometimes All You Need Is A Good Belly Rub

I can't lie, I've been really tired and grumpy lately. The business is still going pretty strong - which I'm overjoyed about in this economy - but my part-timers have been cutting back their hours. I'm not totally against that as it cuts down my cost but does increase the amount of time that requires me to work. I know...complain, complain, complain.

As ridiculous as it sounds, I was super-grumpy yesterday when what I thought would turn into a leisurely day spent getting some goodies ready for Thanksgiving turned into a FULL day of work. To make matters worse, it was correcting other people's mistakes. Mistakes that customers had made as in "Oops, I really meant to order XYZ, can you send that out yesterday and I don't want to pay anything extra." I try so hard to provide good customer service but honestly there are times that it takes all my willpower not to flip out. So I ended up spending all day correcting those mistakes and basically watching money flow out the door. In my own defense, I also had my first PT session that morning which left me very tired and in a decent amount of pain that even a handful of aspirin didn't do a whole lot to alleviate. I'm sure that added to my mood.

And here's the ridiculous part - I felt horrible about the fact that I didn't have time to spend with my dogs. Yes, I'm a crazy dog lady. While I'm not "dress them in foo-foo outfits and carry them around in my purse"- lady crazy, I am absolutely head over heels for my girls and have had a tremendous amount of guilt over the lack of time I've been able to spend with them due in part to the broken leg and in part because I've been so busy. Normally I would be out running with them most mornings (and with my husband) and while I'm not a great morning person, especially in the winter, I did love spending that time together as a family. So that's been gone for awhile as has any free time in my schedule to simply go out and play with them. I was hoping to spend some time with them yesterday and couldn't. To make matters worse, the younger pup just kept following me around and whining which just added heaps and heaps of guilt to what I was already feeling. It was one of those days where I seriously questioned whether my husband and I should try and have a kid because the guilt I felt was simply overwhelming.

Today is significantly better. It's a glamorous day of house errands that includes taking in one car to the shop, dropping paints/oils off at the hazmat transfer station, and taking the other car to costco to get new tires. Such is the life of a work-from-home entrepreneur. But I have been able to spend some time giving good belly rubs. And neck rubs. And behind the ear rubs. And playing Fetch (which my dogs seem to think is either A - a game of keepaway or B - look at me questioningly when I throw something and force me to go get it...they love that game!). Spending just a short amount of time doing that this morning has been just the restorative I've needed.

Though it does raise a question that has been nagging at the back of my mind. As we start to think about having kids, how do I balance this business and a child? A child, especially a baby, simply can't be ignored because you have five mistakes to fix or fourteen orders to get out the door by 5pm. And if I go the nanny route will that just leave me with an incredible amount of mommy-guilt for not putting my child first? Or is guilt just one of those things that comes with motherhood? Like at the same time they hand you your newborn they also hand you a massive sack of guilt that you get to carry around for the next 18+ years.