Confession

Here's the truth - today is a day when a decent part of me wouldn't mind simply selling the business or shutting it down. It's a day when I dream about what it would be like to sell the business and have all the associated stress be done with.

Let me start this post out with saying that ironically the business has never been going better. We've gotten an incredible amount of opportunity literally land at our feet due to the BIG PR piece a few weeks ago that is bringing in new customers, new potential customers, and interesting marketing opportunities (we'll most likely be given away at the Primetime Emmys). So honestly things have never been better and when I compare it to this time last year I'm overwhelmed at the progress we've made both in terms of building the brand and finances.

But today I'm tired (didn't help that I was up at 5am to drop fiance off for a flight to Vegas for his bachelor party). And I'm tired of dealing with the stress associated with the fact that I now find myself in a position that I may need to hire part-time workers to help with production. Hiring folks makes me nervous because like any true entreprenuer - I'm obsessive compulsive and a control freak. So the thought of having other people help create "my product" makes me have to take a few deep breaths to slow down my speeding heart (all the while fully realizing that the only way to truly grow is to expand production).

I'm also tired of dealing with all the red tape associated with hiring folks - even part-timers - and am working with the accountant to get that little mess sorted out before I can even start to figure out if I can afford to hire part-time workers once unemployement taxes and such are taken into account.

And I'm worried about the fact that we're about to drop a substantial amount of money into a nationwide PR campaign. It's the largest amount of money we've put into anything up to this point and I'm terrified it won't work. And then at the same time I'm terrified that it will and we'll end up on Oprah and there I'll be all by myself (having chickened out from hiring anyone) desperately trying to keep up with production.

And the fact that I'm still not bringing in any money and am essentially just a drain on my fiance weighs heavily on me. I dream of when I can actually bring home a paycheck - even a small one - to help out with the variety of things we seem to be spending money on right now (lesson learned - weddings and honeymoons are not cheap). I hate not being able to help out whereas I could have taken a corporate job and be making enough to support us while simply socking his salary & bonus away for a rainy day.

Like I said before, ironically the business is going really really well and we are already at 40% of our annual goal which is stupendous given that first and second quarter should be incredibly slow for us. In fact, I've readjusted our year end financial goal given how well things are going. And when I look at the big picture - the building of a brand and a company that means something to me and is focused on some way or another in giving back to the community I'm incredibly excited and passionate about what we're doing. But today I'm bogged down in the little details and it's making it hard to breath.

Maybe it's because it's such a nice day outside that I want nothing more then to head out with a book and some sunglasses. But then again, if I wasn't doing this then I would be stuck in an office with flourescent lighting working hard for someone else with no opportunity to enjoy the sunshine. At the very least I can take a two hour lunch today and read. That's gotta be equivelent to a $100K salary, right?